Auld Lang Syne

i'll do a proper blog post some time later on. but for now...since it's new year's eve, i wanna talk a bit about this very well known song. which is also playing on my player at the moment. i recently 'rediscovered' this song while surfing around.

Auld Lang Syne is probably one of the most famous songs in existence. It's based on a poem by Robert Burns (though his influences could have come from a variety of sources). The song is traditionally a dance. The title is in the Scots language, meaning "old long since" or "days gone by". In some fairy tales told in the Scots language, the phrase "in the days of auld lang syne" is used instead of "once upon a time".

Most of what I like about this song is that, after really listening to it, or rather, the instrumental version of it, I can really begin to appreciate the significance of the song. Cos as I may have mentioned before, I've come to an age now when the past is a significant entity. Days have gone by and people have come and gone, leaving only memories behind. The song sings of events of yesteryear shared between friends and loved ones. They drink to the good memories and pray to not forget each other.

THIS VERSION of Auld Lang Syne particularly strikes me. It uses Kenny G's version and superimposes it with sound clips of significant events in the past. It's like a little memorial of things past. Reminds me of those war memorials that have the inscription "lest we forget". It's such a poignant feeling that the song invokes, especially the use of the sax. Somehow the sound of this instrument always reminds me of loneliness, a bit of sad reminiscence.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and days of auld lang syne ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

And surely you'll buy your pint cup !
And surely I'll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the hills,
and pulled the daisies fine ;
But we've wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine (dinner time) ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there's a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o' thine !
And we'll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

to all members of ex-LC

remember the NUS choral workshop we attended? i got the video of "Table of Plenty". click HERE to watch.

hoping for my own little christmas miracle

dear santa,

this year for christmas, i think i don't really need material stuff. i need all those little non-material things that money can't buy. for instance, self confidence, a renewed enthusiasm in life and the ability to handle situations that may otherwise overwhelm me.

christmas has come again, will be arriving in about 4 hours time but i don't feel it. it feels just like another mundane day in my mundane life. that's a problem see. i don't seem to get so excited about special times like this anymore. like that song: "where are you christmas? why can't i find you? why have you gone away?"

sure, you say christmas changes as you grow, your perception of those special days change. but i think, sometimes, it's like, i don't want it to change. i want it to be like it was years ago, when christmas was so much fun and joy.

anyway, what's really on the top of my christmas miracle wishlist is kinda predictable. i've been harping on about it for the past 6 months at least. firstly, i want to get good grades and maintain my cap score. then, once that is achieved, i want to apply to go for SEP and i want to be successful in my application.

so santa, how about it? do you think you'd be able to make my christmas wish come true?

love,
me

p.s. sorry for all the babbling.

long over time for another blog post

using point form to avoid forgetting what i wanna say. tho i think i'll have forgotten a lot anyways. read on!

1. SCO collaboration
the collaboration with the sco was a blast! loved it. it was well worth all those late nights and horrible songs cos it all came together so beautifully. i now have a new found appreciation for chinese/buddhist music. it was such an experience singing at the indoor stadium. i mean, the place is HUGE! the sound is so...woah! you have to be there to know. i mean, hey, this is a freaking STADIUM! not a concert hall or theatre. btw, it was a full house event. and MM LKY was there also. of course, he vanished after the interval, but, he was there. oh ya, the event is a fundraising thing in aid of Singapore Buddhist Federation, Maha Bodhi School and SCO.

saw that group that does the thousand hand guan yin thing. it's one thing seeing it on tv, it's completely another seeing it live. they are so talented lor! and it's true lah, the eye is more accurate than the ear. did you know, that group of performers are disabled? those that did the guan yin are deaf. they rely on two guides standing on the corners of the stage to signal them. then, they did another item and the main performer for that was a guy with no arms. btw, this is the 'china disabled people's performing arts troupe'. they are all damn talented lah. that's all i can say.

then there were those tantric monks from tibet. they did their chanting in this really low and low tone. it's like...growling. but they did it in such a way that there's an overtone when they do it. definition of overtone: "one of the higher tones produced simultaneously with the fundamental and that with the fundamental comprise a complex musical tone." but how people explain to me, when two similar wavelengths collide, it produces a completely different sound. it was so amazing. the monks were doing that low growling thing, and i could hear a higher harmony with it. woah!!!!! i feel close to enlightenment. that item was probably one of my favourites. immediately after the monks 'chanting' thing, the SCO drumline led by the abbot of the monastary did an item. it was like, the chanting chanting, then BOOM! of the chinese drum and the thunderous rumble of the chinese drumline. think ancient china/mulan kind of thing. and then the choir coming in with the om mani padme hum. *g* the way it completely filled the stadium was overwhelmingly overwhelming.

then at the end, before the nan wu ah mi tuo fo, when the monks went up to chant a prayer, it was so cool, i could see members of the audience joining in also, in prayer. and i was like, woah! it was just the whole religious-ness of the event in a setting that is not overtly religious. know what i mean? anyway, like i said, it was an EXPERIENCE.

i like the sco conductor tsung yeh. i like the way he conducts and handles the orchestra and the choir. he reminds me of a little pixie. it's his permed hair and his itsy bitsy little eyes. very cute. it's nice to work with him. he's not like nelson who's capable of losing his temper any which way. hope can work more with sco in future. it's definitely a worthwhile thing

2. carolling session (yams)
alrighty. due to good or bad luck, no one called us for carolling this year. and frankly, after the session at the yams, i'm kinda glad it happened. cos the session was just short of a disaster. lucky the yams are kinda like zhi zi ren. so, screwing up doesn't make me feel too bad. i mean, bad is bad, but screwing up in front of people who are strangers is completely worse than screwing up in front of familiar people. anyway, they had fun and that was important. the first sort of official gathering since LC disbanded. anyway...move on with that.

3. carolling session (SKCL)
and today we had our second carolling session at a bigger venue. sengkang community library. verena asked us to do it. it was WAY better than at the yam's place. important that it was better cos this is public. we're performing for people we've never seen before, who have never seen or heard of us before. and i think we did ok. not the best, but definitely far away from worse. the energy level was high, that's important. anyway, proud of you guys! it was a blast today!

4. dance rehersal
last night we held a little rehersal for the feast day. had to teach them the dance steps. digress a little bit, you know what? i watched highschool musical for myself over the weekend. and the stupid song's choreo was so much easier in the movie, compared to what we're supposed to be doing now. i mean, when i first saw the clip, i thought it was tough, no way i could get them to do it, that's why i left it to the choreographer. thought they could do it easier than the movie. but, it became more difficult instead.

anyway, never mind. i chose not to control the choreo so let's not dwell on it. tian did a lot of the demo last night cos she's so good with the steps. thanks for benedict for showing up and convincing the guys to participate also. the first half of the song went quite well. bhangra all the way baby! then the chorus was fun once we got the hang of it. haha! hopefully by the 30th the steps will come more naturally. the part to do with a partner tho...heeh. not too sure of that. cos, the tendency is for the girls and guys to not want to have anything to do with each other. plus, the steps were for the more acrobatically inclined bodies. so...we decided to just leave that to the professionals to do. haha!

embarrassing moment. i brought my laptop to the church so that i could play the song. and in between, when we were learning the steps sans music, the screensaver came on. and the most embarrassing picture ever to reside in my laptop popped up on screen. it was a photoshopped picture of a topless clay. when they saw it, they got all excited and "oh my god irene! why is there a naked man on your computer?!" for the record, he was NOT NAKED. he was just topless. and there's nothing wrong with having a picture of a topless man. geez. there goes my image. out with the evil online alter ego.

the "when you believe" is going well also i think. andrea and benedict are just about ready. all i need to do now is to find a minus one track for them to sing to. so...who knows how to make a minus one track, please help me. and don't google it and give me the google results. i've done that already. i've already tried all that i can try, which are mainly through search engines. and i don't know how else to do it. but there's still one more week to try. *hopeful*

5. hanging out at ty's place
went out with ty and dh the other day. monday met them at parkway for lunch, some shopping. bought a really nice stainless steel ring. i just realised that the pattern on the ring, i thought it was engraving, but it's really a designed carved all the way through the ring. ie the metal band has a design carved in it. very beautiful i think. this is my new favourite ring. as in, after my mood rings (which i think wearing too much will spoil it).

anyway, then, went to ty's house and watched "meet the fockers". it was damn funny lah. ate ice cream even though it was raining like the end of the world outside. girls can always enjoy a chocolate ice cream. yup. long time since i ate ice cream.

well, later when i got home, ty told me she made a mistake about the thumbdrive she gave me. so, we arranged to meet up the next day to go and return her the drive. so next day me went to her place second round. it was nice. long time since i spent any quality time with any of my friends. weather was good.

played with her dogs. at least ty knows how to train a dog. maybe that's why i can't get a dog just yet, cos i don't know how to train it. anyway, her Princess is very well behaved, albeit playful. and her new puppy Creamy...well, she's like a toy. small and FLUFFY. the kind of dog that i very scared of stepping on by accident. i realised that this year is probably the year i spent with the most dogs. haha! looking forward to the day i can get one of my own. a nice golden retriever. :D

alrighty. i think all for now. still trying to figure out my timetable. i got 4 modules confirmed, just one more that i don't know what to take. and then, there's the SEP. fingers crossed that my latest exam results qualify me to apply. i think, if i don't get to do the SEP, i'll go and apply for music lessons instead. piano or violin. hmm...



mood: sleepy
listening to: the great divide - gino vannelli

what's up!!!

well...here i am again. not too sure what kind of post this will turn out to be. realised that sometimes i start out feeling ok when i begin, and end up totally depressed by the end of the post. but, for now, i'm happy. slightly hyper. so i think i'll try and stay away from depressing stuff. but, let's start. (spelling's kinda bad today. muahaha)

gonna be really really busy this week. choir everyday. the SCO performance this friday. kinda looking forward and dreading that one. looking forward cos i'm gonna get to sing at the indoor stadium. how cool is that? with a full chinese orchestra. with a bevy of buddhist monks and hundred strong combined choir. guess what we're singing. buddhist chants. yup. figure, 'nan mo ah mi tuo fo' kind of stuff. one of our pieces is "om mani padme hum". cool right! think funeral songs. (no offence to buddhists out there). and as you sing the songs, you can induce self-hypnosis. lol! it's THAT tedious and chanting. of course, only my friend aaron could sing those songs and get more and more frustrated and agitated by the end of it. lol! attended combined rehersal with the other choirs last night. wah, there was this chorus from shanghai (which i suspect that crazy china guy was from). they are SO powerful lor. some of them were sitting in front of me and i was so overwhelmed by them. they were like blasting at every turn. not that they sounded bad or anything. far from that. they were just so LOUD. very funny thing, the SCO assistant conductor was sitting in and he was commenting that the male chorus should do some kind of downward glide sound at the end of phrases (you know the kind that sounds like you losing steam by the end of a long phrase, the 'breaking down' sound) cos the monks have the tendency to do that without warning. funny.

another quick thing...you remember there was this story about this guy called Fear-Not? the one about this guy who's can't feel fear. he falls in love with this girl but the father refuses to let him marry her until he finds out the meaning of fear. so, he leaves the village and goes in search of fear. he comes to a castle where he spends the night and lots of fearsome things happen, but he doesn't fear them and easily overcomes them. he returns to the village where he finds out that his beloved is sick and dying. it's then that he feels fear that he might lose her. and so he discovers fear. remember that story? i remember watching a version of it on a plane years ago. wanting to find a copy of it. anyone know, please tell me k. :D

A Thousand Days is listed as New This Week on Power98. so, here's me sitting by the radio, waiting to hear it. how crazy is that? haha! i don't really like listening to radio nowadays. the kinds of songs they play. don't know what's going on sia. generation gap liao. like right now, i have no idea what's the song supposed to be doing. those new generation hip-hop stuff. you know, i got a theory why hady won and jonathan didn't. cos jonathan sings more pop rock kind of stuff but hady does r&b. and nowadays, you see the trend towards r&b type of music more than pop. it's ok in certain doses, but too much get's kinda bad. haha!

the FDD dance item! that is HILARIOUS i tell you. when you try and get a bunch of people who do better singing and try to get them coordinated and do complicated hip hop moves. i'm aching all over today cos the choreographer was forcing me into positions that i can't go into. lol! old liao. but it was fun. like mass dance. don't know how we're going to pull it off on the day itself, but for now, we'll just have fun and whack it.

midnight mass is gonna rock this year too. paul playing the organ in his own ways. woah! like for instance, the Salisbury Alleluia, he played the bass sounding like those traditional chinese drums. think of those high celebrations at the forbidden city, with the strong dramatic drum beats. add in the brass, strings and piano line plus strong vocals. WOAH! and paul and daryl are gonna work out something where both the organ and piano play at the same time. and waxing eloquent about that song "come into my heart lord jesus". the sopranos can pull off the high parts in the end, it'll totally rock! looking forward to that one. :D




mood: content
listening to: i need a girl - p diddy

cd review

Okay, aurry kinda talked me into writing a quick review on the EP, "All Is Well". So, CAS mass ordered the EPs for us here in Singapore. I collected my copy from this afternoon, rushed home to listen to it. My brother went with me to get it and when he saw it, he was like, "Huh?! Only 4 songs?!" But, never mind, moving on. Geez. Love the cover photo. Like someone said, it's worth buying just for the cover alone. I'm smiling, just looking at the picture. Love it also that there's lyrics included this time. :D

First song, "All is Well". I have to admit that I was a bit apprehensive about this song whose concert versions I heard thus far left me cringing. But, this one completely blew me away. Showcasing Clay's huge range, it creates an image of a Christmas eve long ago with angels and wise men. To quote myself, "A night of magic and miracles. A night where, in the far off past, a child was born who would be saviour of the world". Prayerful and touching beginning to the song culminating in a powerful and joyous proclamation of the Christmas message.

Next, "Christmas Waltz". Well, nothing spectacular. The thing is practically a clone of the last Joyful Noise Tour version. That's all I can say about it. It was nice, but it was a little unmemorable. I'm really wondering why this song is included. It doesn't really seem to fit into the theme that the other three set.

"O Come Emmanuel". This is another one of those that I was apprehensive about (hearing him sing it at the JNT). But like AIW, I was wrong. This rendition is so smooth and heartfelt. It's more prayerful and reflective rather than overbearing and showy. I'm glad of this, cos this is such a beautiful song. The glory notes are strong without being too overwhelming. That's really good cos as much as we love to hear Clay in all his glory, too much isn't very nice either.

"My Grown-Up Christmas List". Lots of high expectations for this song. Vocally, this song lives up to expectations. But…I think the accompaniment could be a bit better. The guitar sounds disjointed to me. To me, it could sound better with a stronger piano. But then again, this is obviously the effect they wanted to create, so I'm not going to argue with them. Just noticed, the guitar did a very cute ending. (either that or my mind's playing tricks on me again) But, beautiful song to end the set.

So, conclusion, the EP is very well done and songs chosen are quite fitting to the message it wishes to send, about the joy and hope of Christmas that transcend from ancient times to the present and into the future. Overall, although it is a bit on the high price side (for me), most of Clay's fans, whether die-hard or casual, will enjoy listening to this beautiful collection. So, on my all purpose scale, I give it 3 out of 5 stars.

ranting and ramblings

lots to talk about today. wanna clear the 'backlog' of what's been happening in my life. sit back, relax, and get comfortable. long post alert.

let's talk about the exams first. they're over! yay! EL2101 was my favourite. it was at temasek hall. i never knew they had an underground hall there. so interesting. anyway, that exam went quite well until the last question where he started asking us about why a certain sentence agreement is weird. which was a weird question cos i didn't find anything weird about it. but...crapped out an answer. at least, kim didn't ask anything about moving the negatives around. i didn't really look through that section. but, confident (more or less) about the rest. don't think can get an A cos of the CAs and the grade curve. but at least a B. haha!

then, there was EL2151. THAT WAS BAD. the questions were kinda out of the blue. i never really knew what to expect with that module. like, the first question was a 3 part, gave us 3 statements and asked us what was wrong with them. for instance "in a multilingual society, there will be at least some people who are diglossic." huh?! i admit. i didn't study too hard for this module. i had no idea what to study for it. it's like GP. what do you study for GP? so anyway, i crapped up answers which are not too good i think. so, low grade for that one. but can pass. btw, i hate it when my name is so near the front that i have to sit so near the front. it's so sickening being eyeball to eyeball with the examiners.

and then. MA2101. *cue dramatic music* there was this china guy standing outside the venue that was freaking me out. know why? cos he literally had his nose buried inside his notes. he was frantically flipping through his notes, his face literally only centimetres away from the book. scary. and i was like, ohmygod! anyway, that went alright. should have studied more cos i find that the questions were actually quite easy, if and only if i studied hard enough. which i didn't. but, it was ok. i think (hope) can pass, even though there were some questions that i kinda crapped up and didn't know what i was doing. lol! glad it's over. learnt my lesson this sem. not to take linear algebra ever again.

GEK1500. that was...well, mixed lah. i kinda liked that module. but on that day, i was feeling damn dizzy and seasick for some reason. don't know why. in the 151 on the way to sch, it was aircon, but it was stuffy and crowded and raining. then, i alighted at YIH to walk to MPSH6. at MPSH6, hung around at this corridor area that was even more stuffy and sickening. so anyway, wasn't on my best when entering the exam hall. i'm sad to say that i think i'll do badly for this module. i left one mini-essay question completely unanswered cos i had no idea what it was saying. (ok, i didn't study that part of the module very closely). but i'll depend on the other sections, which i think were much much better. thank god, no negative marking. and this is the module where i was sitting literally eyeball to eyeball with dr soh. i hated it. bad enough that i don't know how to do his paper. worse that he can see very clearly that i don't know how to do his paper. sigh.

finally, MA1102 Calculus. well...it wasn't as bad as i predicted it to be. i'm proud to say that i finally got the squeeze theorem. right there in the exam hall. muahahaha! but, interesting thing, there are some people taking MA1102 that don't know the meaning of isoceles triangle and perimeter. actually, there were so many people not knowing it that the examiner had to make an announcement to explain what isoceles triangle and perimeter meant. oh. my. god. but then, i think they are those PRCs, maybe that's why they don't know. *shrugs* anyway, like i said, it waas better than i expected.

and that was the exams.

then, immediately after that, friday, had Jubilate's rehersals cum retreat. was stressing out the night before, trying to prepare games and songs and stuff for reflection. (nick didn't manage to help me, but then i asked him kinda late) anyway, the thing was held at the SJI cenacle room. very nice room actually. the first day went very well imo. i had to go pick up ruth from marion's house. then took the bus where we met tian at the canossa bus stop. :) then, we met the rest of the choir at the macpherson road bus stop. :D nice surprise. even genestine was there. so, for once, we were all on time. yay!

my plan was to start with some prayertime, then do the hokey pokey dance (i d/l-ed the crazy farmer version), then play twister and the story game. ok, so, the prayertime was ok. i think. then, the dance. muahahahahaha! i didn't expect too much anyway. then twister. that was fun! lol! they really loved it. especially the younger girls. haha! next time we have parties, we've already gotten one game to play. so ok. then, was going to play the story game that i learnt from nus choir. the one where you take some words and make sentences into a story. they were SO reluctant to form up groups. cos i wanted them to mix and not be in the same group with the same people all the time. btw, before that, br michael broughton dropped in to talk to us for a bit. i not really sure what was his point actually. something about serving god and proclaiming liturgy through music. hmm...

practice after that was ok. managed to get stuff done. but i think by the end of the day, people get tired liao. so they started to get really restless. understandable lah.

after practice, did a little reflection exercise that i crapped up. or...in keeping with what i tried to preach, a little reflection exercise that the grace of god inspired me to do. i showed the Father's Love Letter video that i found. i love that video. it's so meaningful and it's so amazing that the entire letter is made up of quotes from all over the bible. talk about a secret biblical code! beats the da vinci code hands down. lol!

ya anyway, reflect a bit, then finished. went to toa payoh for dinner where practically the entire choir ordered fillet-o-fish. imagine. if we all ordered together. "hello. i want 12 fillet-o-fish meals please." what would the counter staff think. haha!

so that was the first day. was so exhausted but happy it went well. my first time running something like this. hopefully my last time also. all that stress and paranoia can't be good for me.

second day didn't go too well. was running late. dad said that tian was the first one there. poor girl had to go and sit in the cenacle by herself and wait for the rest of us to show up. then, there was only her, me, ruth, aloy, colleen and ritche around at 10am. so...not much point in trying to do our story game follow up. the girls played twister for a bit, then watched some of my videos. lol! became a screening session. was watching "You Raise Me Up", "Tong Hua", "Madagascar Penguins Christmas Caper". then, decided to sit down and screen a movie. might as well, since i planned the morning for games but there wasn't enough people to play. so, we watched "The Nightmare Before Christmas". very apt, as dawn commented.

dawn dropped by with lunch. by then, benedict had arrived with the yams. so we did some practice. i guess it was ok. very scared about how we're going to handle carolling this year. i have no idea where to start with the organising. i scared that tmr khoo's gonna say that it's too late to put announcement in the bulletin. then what? scrap the carolling? i'm more than happy to. but how about the rest of the choir. how will they feel about that? especially those who have been faithfully attending practices and sessions. :p

anyway, ended early and i rushed back to church cos the evening mass needed an organist. :p if there's one piece of advice i can give any organist, that is to never play for an unfamiliar choir without first rehearsing before hand. my first song "O come Emmanuel" was kinda bad. the song itself sucks lah. it's plain chant style and no time signature. and apparently (as i later found out) i was playing WAY faster than the choir is used to during mass. so...haha! laugh it off. i was assured that my tempo was appropriate. i mean, imagine "o come emmanuel" being slower and draggier than it already is. *cringe* it's entrance hymn! it's supposed to by a bit more joyous and welcoming. right?

the dinner was alright. passable. at least no mystery meat or anything. the prawn on a stick was nice. but paiseh to get more, since i didn't eat the vegetables (bittergourd and lady's finger). i don't know why they always have watery and tasteless bandung to drink. is it really that nice? i only drank it cos it was liquid and cold.

and then. after that. supposed to have the combined practice for the midnight mass. only 4 of my members showed up. but that was 100% more than the 2 who showed up from the sunset mass. so. sigh. i really think that my members should stop being so childish about combining choir with the sunset mass people. anyway. that practice went alright. loved that song "come into my heart lord jesus". paul picked that very well.

yup. and that was saturday. sunday. what happened on sunday is the biggest reason why i wanna just throw in the towel and do a disappearing act like all my predecessors. i instructed them all to come down at 9.30am. which is not asking too much cos that's the time they're supposed to show up anyway. no one showed up. only tessa and then ritche. which was kinda bad cos we were doing 'new' mass parts for that day. so, they all started trickling in just before mass began. the mass was bad. the choir couldn't be heard at all. even me just standing in front of them couldn't hear them. i kept signalling them to sing louder but they all had their eyes glued to the hymn book. yes i was and still am upset. then, 5 seconds before mass starts, they come and tell me that they don't know how to sing one of the hymns. fuck lah. i thought they knew it. the evening mass knew it wat. it was a common song imo. but they claimed to not know it. well, screw you. you should have come earlier to practice then. too late to do anything.

see lah, just thinking back about it makes me feel mad. i mean, is there still a point in keeping the choir open if the members are treating it like this? with this kind of attitude, our choir might as well degenerate into any of the other choirs in the church. just come, sing the same old song week after week and then leave. i'm trying to change things up a bit, make things nice. but obviously they don't care. why even bother coming anyway? easier to just close the choir. you go to your own preferred church and i'll go to mine. what's the point in hanging around this crap place anyway?

like today's st anthony's. first tuesday is our turn to do the devotion. it's been like that for years now. yet nobody bothers to show up. only tian was there. do you know how demoralising and sad it is when you take the trouble to show up and no one else does? do you know what it's like to have to play for a non-existent choir? it's not like st anthony's is a difficult thing to do. it's so damn easy. easier than the sunday mass even. just one hour a month, is that too much to ask?

i know i'm not a good leader, but this is getting ridiculous. do you even want to be in the choir anymore? again, it leads back to the same question. should Jubilate still exist? or should it just drop back into being the 10am choir? should i just close the choir down now?

"How long can a person float, looking at an empty horizon? How long do you drift before you call it quits?" how long indeed. i hated these past few months. with pressure from school work, from nus choir, from jubilate, from the church admin, from home. how long to you float trying to reach the next featureless point in the distance? fr paul talked about despair and hope in his last homily. i'm in despair and i have no hope. everyday i just pray that i die in my sleep. at least, get it over and done with. the end. no more. i'm going to step down next year. by easter, either Jubilate will have a new leader, or Jubilate will no longer exist.

ok. all for now. going to go pull myself together before i blog some more.




mood: sad
listening to: nothing

i found this prayer:

A PRAYER
FOR FRIENDS.

I pray for you
No matter what you do wrong.

I pray for you
Because we can never stay mad for long.

I pray for you
Because you were the one who was always there.

I pray for you
For all the joys and times we've shared.

I pray for you
Because through it all
You saw me for me.

I pray for you
Because without you
Only God knows where I'd be.

I pray for you
Because they say
One good friend is all you need.

I pray for you
Because you saw what others failed to see.

I pray for you
Because even when times are tough
True friends never leave.

And I pray for you
Because without real friends
Life is never quite complete.

Amen.

http://www.catholicdoors.com/prayers/english3/p02390.htm